Baby in His Arms Read online

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “Money. You want to know if I’m going to pay.”

  Damn, that hurt. “That’s not what I’m looking for. I want to know if you’re going to be involved? Visitation, decision making, parenting things.”

  He pulled his feet under his chair and steepled his fingers. Forty-eight hours ago, he’d tenderly taken care of her and Kylie. Now he was acting as if she were robbing him at gunpoint for his last cent.

  “I’ve already raised a child. It was a bitch. Starting over was never, ever in my plan.”

  Her insides dropped to her feet. Why was she feeling bad about this? She wanted him to stay out of their lives, to keep things uncomplicated. Still, his words and the way he said them sliced right through her. She squared her shoulders. Stand tall, Afton. Stand tall.

  “So, you’re saying you are not interested in being a part of her life? I need clarity, so I know what my next steps will be.”

  “Even if I wanted to, I can’t!” Noah burst from his chair. “You don’t understand. She’s a liability I can’t afford right now.”

  Her eyes began to sting. Their baby was not a liability!

  “Fine. I guess you were right when you said you’re not the man I thought you were.”

  She turned to go, but he softly called her name. She didn’t face him. He could kiss her ass.

  “How can you not have heard the rumors? Read all the bullshit online? How can you be so oblivious to what’s going on?”

  “I’m here to work, not gossip. And I’m an oddity who rarely goes online unless I specifically need to look something up.”

  “Look at me.”

  The demand left a sour taste in her mouth. She was hurt, angry, a little humiliated. Being defiant seemed appropriate, but the pleading in his tone won her over. Slowly, she turned to face him. His eyes had softened, but the fire and the coldness still warred there.

  “I’m being accused of some very heavy shit. Not by name. But by enough indicators for it to be obvious it is me. It’s the scandal your father was referencing. And it’s bad enough that I could lose my career, my reputation, everything I’ve worked for. So, no, Afton, I can’t take on your daughter because it’s more risk.”

  “Our daughter.”

  “What?”

  “Our daughter. Not mine. Ours.”

  Tension cracked between them. Underneath that was something different, something warmer. He was trying to hide his misery, but it was there. Maybe anyone could have detected it, or maybe just her. His eyes told the truth as did the clench of his jaw and softer set to his shoulders. He was struggling between anger and defeat. She wanted to embrace him, hold him tight in comfort. He would let her, maybe even welcome it. But her own disappointment and bruised spirit wouldn’t allow it.

  “Okay, well at least I know where you stand. I don’t know what to say about your problem, except that I wish you the best.”

  “Christ, that sound final.”

  He lightly gripped her wrist, his fingers tightening there. A measure of comfort, understanding, maybe. His lips parted as he drew her closer to him. She softened, wanting the contact.

  A sudden sound of footfalls outside the door had her stepping away.

  “Noah, you need to come with me.”

  An older gentleman with silver hair poked his head into the office. His collar was half turned up, half turned down, his sweater vest misbuttoned as if he’d been in a hurry. Noah released her and walked to the door.

  “What’s wrong, Tom?”

  “There’s a TV crew in the ER looking for you. Security is taking care of it. I’m to escort you off the property. Immediately.”

  Noah’s mouth dropped. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

  “Sadly, I’m not. We’ve said you’re unavailable, so let’s keep our word on that. Come with me.”

  Afton stepped back, looking between the men. The older man gave her a pointed look and motioned with his head to the door.

  “Nurse, you’d better get back to your unit.”

  She didn’t hesitate before hurrying out the door. This had to have something to do with the scandal Noah was talking about. Taking a left toward the housekeeping department, she pressed against the wall and whipped out her phone. A few keywords typed in to the browser had the story right there in black and white.

  The accusations. The drama. And on the last page, images of bloody towels on the floor.

  She covered her mouth with a hand and put her phone away. It seemed surreal, like a novel instead of a recount of someone’s true-to-life suffering. Nowhere had the posts called Noah by name, but it might be obvious to anyone familiar with him.

  She’d probably have guessed it was him had he not already told her. So unbelievable! She’d witnessed Noah extend warmth and concern and then turn cold. Hadn’t he done so just this morning? Her instincts knew he was a good hearted. She’d seen it. She’d felt and experienced it. Yes, she had a lot to learn about Noah Crisler, but at his core, he wasn’t the monster this Deena G. had painted him out to be.

  Or were the good traits she thought she saw in him just an illusion?

  He kept saying he wanted the chance for them to get to know each other. Would he show her the real him, or what he wanted her to see?

  Suddenly, the things she thought she felt about the father of her child were a blurred mess. The budding feelings, the undeniable attraction, the comfort of watching him hold his baby in his arms. All an illusion.

  “Afton, what are you doing over here?”

  Maddie came down the hall pushing a linen cart.

  “I was just... what are you doing over here?”

  This wasn’t a wing they normally needed to be in. The housekeeping staff brought linens and gowns around once a day. By the looks of the empty cart, it seemed someone had forgotten the ER.

  “Just grabbing a few linens until they come to restock. We went through them all last night. I wouldn’t be in a hurry to step into the ER just yet. It’s a damned zoo. TV people demanding to see Dr. Crisler.”

  “Really?” Afton kept her voice neutral, but Maddie wasn’t buying it.

  “Yes, really. What do you know about all this? The social media stuff and all the things that woman said about him?”

  Afton readjusted her scrub top. It suddenly seemed constricting.

  “Nothing.”

  Maddie pulled the cart to a stop, put a hand on one hip and cocked her head. “He was very insistent that he bring you your phone when you were sick. Come on.”

  Afton leaned against the wall and covered her hands with her face. Everything seemed to be spiraling out of control. It was lonely, doing this by herself.

  “He’s the father of my baby.”

  The words jumbled through her palms, probably not discernable. There was no reason for that to have popped out of her mouth except that it felt oddly good to just tell someone.

  Maddie put one hand on each of Afton’s shoulders, staring her face-to-face.

  “What did you just say?”

  She wanted to cry, scream, something! Getting it out in the open promised a relief to this incredible pressure inside her. If her mother were here, she’d be Afton’s confidant. If her mother were here...

  “He’s my baby’s father. We met by complete accident during spring break last year and next thing I know, I’m working in his ER!”

  She gripped Maddie’s wrist. If someone else could just understand if someone could just commiserate with her and understand how crazy this all was. Maddie scratched her forehead and stepped back. A disbelieving smile crossed her lips.

  “Does he know?”

  “Yes. He only just found out.”

  “Who else knows?”

  Afton gave a light shrug. “Just you.”

  Maddie made a soft sound as she wrapped Afton in her arms. “I’m sorry you’re going through this. But you’re not alone, okay? Thank you for confiding in me.”

  Afton could only nod. For the first time in a long tim
e, she didn’t feel alone. She’d carried her pregnancy and college load privately, choosing to disengage with people because she didn’t have the mental or physical energy to do otherwise. Now more than ever, she was glad she could call Maddie a friend.

  “Thank you for listening.”

  They stepped apart and Afton smoothed her top to compose herself.

  “Alright. Just play it cool in the ER. Hopefully they have the TV crew kicked out by the time we get back. Just, Afton, he’s accused of some hardcore shit. You have a lot of thinking to do, here.”

  It seemed too raw to admit her conflicting feeling about Noah’s character. That maybe she saw him the way he wanted her to—as if he’d been displaying a sheen on beautiful veneer that held something rotten underneath.

  There was no sense stewing on it when she had a full day of work ahead. She indicated to the cart. “We’d better fill this and get back.”

  They loaded linens and made their way back to the ER. Aside from a group of men in suits by the Core, it was business as usual. But there was an underlying buzz that only grew louder as Afton checked in and took on her first assignment.

  Gossip. Noah this and Dr. Crisler that. The staff were attacking this like rabid animals, talking the nasty talk.

  And no matter where she went, Afton couldn’t help but feel like they were all looking at her while they did.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Hey buddy. What you’ve heard is true. Yes, it’s me.”

  Noah cradled the phone between his ear and his shoulder. Caleb paused on the other end, the silence heavy.

  “Well, what are you going to do?”

  What was he going to do? He was a decisive man by nature, but this scandal had him flummoxed and off-kilter. He’d like to rage after it like a pissed-off bull, confront the media himself and take his reputation in his hands. Instead, legal was handling it with silk gloves, afraid of getting too dirty.

  “I’m thinking of my options. There’s a lot on the line, here.”

  “Yeah.”

  Noah began to pace faster. He’d walked the length of his floor-to-ceiling windows exactly one-hundred and two times.

  “So, dad. Is there, um, any truth to any of this?”

  It was a fair question for his son to ask. For fuck’s sake, anyone with any idea this was going on was asking the same thing. Ultimately, Caleb’s opinion of him is the only one that mattered. Well, maybe not the only one. He cared about what Afton thought.

  And he’d handled it all badly, selfishly. She was the mother of his daughter, and he’d reacted like a complete and utter asshole.

  “The only true thing Deena G. has said is that I left her. Yes, I broke it off with her. But she didn’t have cancer, and she was never pregnant with my child.”

  My child.

  Kylie was his. His! It still seemed surreal, like a dream. Afton was the polar opposite of Deena. Instead of using a baby, a real baby, to her advantage, she’d given him an out. Just walk away. Don’t be involved. She didn’t want anything.

  Guilt crept in stronger. His reaction had been knee-jerk. There wasn’t an excuse for it.

  “That’s good, dad. Real good. I mean, a friend showed me a post because it mentioned your hospital in it. If you weren’t my dad, I wouldn’t have guessed it was you.”

  “Yeah. Anyone close to me can guess at this point. Co-workers, friends. I knew it was only a matter of time before you heard about all of this. I’d hoped you’d be sheltered from it.”

  Noah paused by the wall beside the window, staring at a black-and-white image of his son. He was smiling, his eyes brilliant in the monotone, dimples poking in on either side of his mouth. He’d taken the picture Caleb’s first day of Kindergarten. Wow had the years gone quickly. It was difficult to remember him at that age, lively, carefree, easy to parent. Once Caleb had entwined himself with drug-users, turning to narcotics, buying, selling, fighting on the Chicago streets, those memories clouded over everything good in Noah’s memory.

  The good times were harder to recall even though they there, just waiting to be let out.

  Noah’s eyes stung. Raising a child alone through the good and the bad, especially the bad, was harder than anything he’d done in his life. The rollercoaster of emotion, the financial responsibility, the sleepless nights.

  “Caleb, I never wanted to let you down.”

  “Geez dad, you haven’t. Not once.”

  Noah nodded and turned to the window. The glow of River North created a golden hue to the backdrop of the night sky. Towering skyscrapers and apartment buildings glittered with dotted lights, fractured by a steady pounding of rain.

  “Do you ever wish you’d had a sibling?”

  The little hairs on Noah’s forearms stood up.

  “I guess. I mean, I used to, back when I was little. You were working all the time and it was just me and the nanny most days. A puppy would have been fine.”

  The humor in Caleb’s voice drew a smile from Noah. A knock at the door drew his attention. He walked in that direction.

  “I’ve got to go, son. Talk to you soon?”

  “You bet. Bye, dad. Keep me posted.”

  Noah peered out the security port as he hung up his cell. His pulse ticked up as he undid the locks and opened the door wide.

  Afton hugged herself tightly as she lightly shivered. He ushered her in, trapped by the pink fullness of her lips and the soft flush on her cheeks. Wet hair curled around her face. She was soaked.

  He took her hands, shocked to find her cold.

  “You’re freezing. Did you walk here?”

  “Yeah, I needed to clear my head and... I ended up here.”

  She gave a cursory look around, eyebrows going up as she took in the dark wood floors, modern white living room furniture and industrial accents.

  “Nice.” The compliment was flat. Whatever she’d come for, it wasn’t pleasantries. “I apologize for not calling,” she rushed, “but I figured the walk would give me time to think of what I wanted to say.”

  He reached for her coat. After a moment’s pause, she shrugged out of it and rubbed her arms with her hands. Noah led her to the couch where he plopped her down on the end. With a small remote, he turned on the gas fireplace and turned up the vent to blow heat her way.

  “You’re turning on the fireplace in June?” She raised her eyebrows.

  “Here.” He slipped a light blanket off the back of the couch and arranged it over her shoulders. She gave a small smile and tucked into it.

  “Thanks.”

  “So, what did you come here to say?”

  He sat beside her, leaving a space between them though he wanted anything but. Yes, he’d reacted badly, and he wasn’t at all sure what to do about Kylie. But he still wanted Afton. Her touch, her smell on his skin. The taste of her on his tongue. Her soft company beside him, just like this. She took him in, reminding him he was shirtless, barefoot, wearing only a pair of joggers.

  “I can’t wrap my head around how one person can make claims about someone, spread them all over the internet, have them go viral, and basically smear a person’s reputation for the rest of their life.”

  “I agree. Internet anonymity has given people enormous power over others.”

  She readjusted, so she was half-facing him. “How much of it is true?”

  He winced. “Do you think I’m capable of anything she’s accused me of?”

  Afton pulled the blanket tighter over her shoulders.

  “I... I don’t know. I’m not sure if you’re the man I think you are, or the man you want me to see. I’ve seen both sides of you. The one who can be tender and thoughtful and, honestly, loving. And the side that can be cold and... just walk away from something that doesn’t serve him.”

  Noah burst from the couch and ran a hand through his hair. That was hardly fair.

  “So, which are you, Noah? Which person are you?”

  “How can you crucify me for emotions I don’t know what to do with?”

 
“I just want the truth.”

  Noah spun to face her. Her lips parted a bit, her skin taking on a golden tone from the firelight. His chest ached. Why couldn’t they be here under better terms? He’d take her in his arms, hold her. Right now, he’d just hold her.

  “The truth is this: spilling that Kylie is my daughter—a child I had with a one-night affair with a woman half my age—it will be the final nail in my coffin. Do you understand? I’m already on the precipice of my reputation being tarnished forever. What kind of life can I offer Kylie if I have no way to support her? No time or resources to give her because I’m too busy trying to rebuild my entire life?”

  The tension in Afton’s face softened. She looked at her hands, twisted her fingers. Noah’s heart pounded furiously against his chest. He had no way to fix any of this.

  “It’s going to take time to figure out if being a part of her life is what’s best. Do you understand that?”

  Afton curled her lower lip and shook her head. “Wanting to be a part of her life is a yes or no choice. It’s nothing you need to think about. I’m not asking you to announce it to the fucking world. I just want to know if you’re going to run away from this, or if you’re going to face it?”

  He spread his arms wide. “Run away? Jesus, Afton, I could be in fucking Bali with Rashida right now, worry-free. She offered me the perfect opportunity to run away, and I didn’t.”

  It seemed Afton wanted something else from him—that she was waiting for something else to come out in the conversation. Her expression wavered from intensity to softness. From expectation to disappointment. The weight of all these months of constant worry were pressing down on him.

  This was as close to defeated as he’d ever experienced. “What do you want from me, Afton?”

  She rose from the couch, the blanket slowly slipping down her shoulders and billowing to the floor. His breath hitched as she approached, bringing her coconut scent to wrap around him. Stopping inches from him, she looked up. Her lower lips quivered.

  “I want to know you’re the kind of man who would never do the things that woman accused you of.”

  Her small hand pressed palm-down against his bare chest. Without hesitation, he placed his own over it and held her there, drawing her up against him with his other hand, until they pressed together. She breathed softly, her fingers digging into his tee-shirt. She wanted reassurance.